The dress

A wedding was never high up there on my bucket list. In all honesty, for many years I swore I would never get married. Yes, I suppose there was a parental issue that made the prospect of marriage simply too daunting. For almost a decade our mum openly suffered what seemed to be from her marriage. Simply put, I never wanted what she had. Never!

Yes, I loved my dad, but how would things be different for me? I understand how people are reluctant to get married today. A deep distrust is ingrained in us and those perimeters that used to keep things in place are exploding onto a global scale. Surrounding community is ever changing and so responsibilities are no longer as solid as maybe they once were.

At the end of the nineteenth century, 95% of men in Paris frequented prostitutes. I guess numbers were not much different elsewhere, so I don’t mean to say that several populations of angels has been suddenly replaced by an evil deceiving and distrusting lot. Certainly, wanting to cheat on one’s spouse has always been practised way before online dating made it so much more convenient.

Lying has always been around, only it’s tools change over time. My parents did not cheat on each other, yet at times their respect for each other was at an all time low. So, what changed in my life to make me take that step? To answer this would take an incredible amount of time. Read my “about” page for an attempt of answering.

Roughly two years ago I found myself on the way to the airport to get married to the only person on this planet who has ever understood me. My fear of marriage was so ingrained, even two days prior I nearly walked off. I was on my way home, and, approaching a street corner leading to the major train station, I intended on taking the next train to anywhere, just to flee.

In that very instance my then fiancée called. The timing was so perfect and got me straight away back into a peaceful mindset. I am convinced it was a divine interference. As was the fact that two days later, when already arriving at the airport to get a plane to the US, I realized I had forgotten my passport.

That was not miraculous, rather the fact that I managed to get it on time. Our marriage was pretty unconventional in that it was no huge affair. Every girl dreams of having a huge party. I don’t. The moment though I put on the dress the weight of the impending decision dawned on me. It was as though the entirety of the decision was sewn into it.

By stepping into the dress I stepped into being a wife, into making a decision that will impact me immensely. I pulled the dress up and I felt the magnitude rising parallel to the level of the dress. I felt to be at the centre of gravitation, yet at the same time the most remote from anyone else in the universe. I was making that decision alone.

I believe the I do to be the most transcendental moment in any person’s life. It signifies two concepts that are not found in matter alone, but only in the supernatural. Identity and free will. Saying I do pays homage to the fact that we are, after all, individuals in this universe and that we can make choice that affect not only ourselves but others around, sometimes for a life time.

Being married is so far the worlds best thing ever. Prior to getting married I asked no one for advice on getting married.  I figured most would probably warn me of the negatives, all of which I however knew first hand. I would have needed some one to inform me of all the beauty that was awaiting me. I prayed, no one showed up. Guess I now have the privilege to learn this for myself, first hand. Do I? I do!


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