We went to watch Interstellar yesterday. What a movie! Time and space is bent, and, yes, I won’t give away much more, just in case you want to go see it. It spoke of the idea of peeping back in time, looking at a younger you from today’s perspective. At times, one does not need a wormhole to do so. We can manage quite well by ourselves. Yes, I have had moments where I wished those days back, before, you know, the rape took place.

I was a happy-go-lucky girl, popular, student body president, on my way to pursue a career as a model. And, wham, in an instant, all that was changed. Instead, I developed an eating disorder, my mind played tricks, separating me from my former group of friends, things basically went haywire. Those carefree days I would often yearn for, when life was simple. In no way can I make sense of what happened, but, I have stopped trying to figure it out.

It was a long process, spanning several years. Some things simply won’t make sense in this life time. One pivotal point was actually something as banal as exercise. I began to view my body as less of an enemy and made a peace treaty with it. Tracy Anderson actually interviews a psychologist somewhere who advices their clients to use exercise as a means to get out of the victim mentality. I can confirm that.

At times I wonder what my life would be now had none of this happened. Well, it did, and I frankly don’t know if I would go back in time to change that. I would certainly go back in time if I could change only that, but I suppose many things I enjoy today are a direct result of this heinous crime that was committed. For instance do I enjoy my mind a great deal and I doubt I would have developed it had I become a serious model, no offence.

If I could bend space time, I would go back to the creation of the world, easily! God asks Job several chapters worth of questions surrounding this very moment in time. If I could go back to peek, wow, that would be it. The mighty awesomeness of it all, and me, hanging overhead, in some safe capsule, watching it all unfold. I must say, that truly would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.


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